Lightning: The Black Ninja
by Ways
Summary: What happens when Lightning decides he wants to be a ninja? Complete stupidity and chaos! Now he's got the whole Playa pissed at him and something ha to be done.


**Ok I got this idea today all because out of nowhere I started thinking of that Money song. Ya'know the one that goes "Money-Money-Money-Mon. MONEY!" And then because I was wearing this hood on my head that's all black and makes me look like a ninja and then it turned into "Black-a Black-a Black-a Black-a Black. *Wind Noise* *Deep ancient samurai teacher dude voice* Ninja! *Back to normal* Black Ninja!" And then I thought of if Lightning were to do this and that's what spawned this fic. My first oneshot too!**

**Warnings: Implied black stereotypes and the rather racist song mentioned above running throughout the fic. Characters also refer to themselves as white and black as well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama if I did, the writers of All-Stars would've all been fired. Well… except for Jo's voice actor (Yes she wrote a few of the episodes) who would stick to voice acting and never actually write for the show again.**

**Lightning: The Black Ninja**

Everyone was sitting in the theater of Playa Des Losers. If you could call it a theater, really Chris had an extra floor and a bunch of plastic chairs that Chris didn't know what to do with and a movie projector at the back of the room that projected onto one of the walls of the place. They were just about done watching this movie in their little movie theater, called 'Ninja Assassin,' which was some stupid movie made by some guy who calls himself an 'executive movie producer.'

"_You can't stop me,"_ The hero on the screen had announced. _"I'm the Ninja Assassin!"_

Cody smiled a big gap toothed grin at line. "That was badass!"

"No it wasn't." Harold commented as the big final fight of the movie started. "It was stupid. If you actually knew Japanese then you would know that ninja means assassin. Therefore he just called himself the 'Assassin Assassin.' Curse the filmmakers for their inability to actually look up Japanese words and check the authenticity of their movie's title and lines. Idiots!"

Alejandro shook his head. "I actually knew that the title was incredibly redundant, but I didn't want to say anything to cause another stupid conversation."

"Obviously Cody and everyone else didn't know this because they're not intelligent to know Japanese, unlike me and Alejandro. Gosh!" Harold chastised everyone.

"Wow, Harold." Alejandro gasped. "I'm impressed, you actually complimented me. That's great amigo!"

"Clearly you didn't let me finish Alejandro." Harold glared at Alejandro. "Curse your inability to allow others to finish their statements! You would be intelligent if you actually told everyone about the stupidity of the writers beforehand. Therefore that makes you an idiot. Gosh!"

Gwen rolled her eyes, "If you're so smart then how come you said me and Alejandro? Clearly if you were as intelligent as you say you are then you would know it's **Alejandro and I**."

Harold was about to open his mouth in response before he was interrupted by Cody. "Man I can't believe that movie it was so awesome!"

Harold, Alejandro, Gwen and anyone who was listening to them looked up at the screen to see the credits start rolling.

"That was incredibly stupid." Heather rolled her eyes.

"What?" Zoey asksed. "You didn't like the movie?"

"Oh yeah, I absolutely loved it." Heather deadpanned.

Noah who was reading a book the whole time decided to comment as well. "Oh sure Zoey, it was an intellectual cinematic masterpiece."

"Sure it's not an indie movie but it was okay." Zoey insisted.

Noah rolled his eyes. "You can't have seriously enjoyed that, could you?"

Zoey sighed before being comforted by Mike. "Noah, I think you should apologize to Zoey."

"I thought the movie was Sha-Epic!" Lightning shouted.

"And that proves my point." Noah smirked.

"I wanna be a sha-ninja too!"Lightning insisted.

"Sure, jockstrap." Jo rolled her eyes. "And Lindsay will become a brain surgeon."

"No silly, you can't plug a brain into a wall." Lindsay 'corrected' the jockette. "You have to put it into one of those adapter thingies because they have those surge protector thingies. Why would I want to learn how to plug brains into walls?"

"Don't worry about it Lindsay." Beth sighed.

"Alright bedtime, everyone!" Chris announced.

"What the hell Chris we're seventeen and eighteen year olds. You can't send us to bed." Courtney chastised the host.

"I don't care it's 8:51 and I don't want you guys around, so… go to bed!" The host shouted.

Trent gasped. "Did you say 8:51? Oh my Ninth God! I have to go do my nine, nine minute prayer sessions for the night in nine minutes!"

Trent quickly ran out of the room.

"See, now be like Trent and go to bed." Chris smiled.

Everyone grumbled as they walked out of the 'movie theater' and went to their individual rooms.

When Lightning got to his room and thought about the movie he had watched as he did pushups. He thought that it was the best movie ever and that ninjas were awesome.

Lightning wanted to become a ninja too but realized that he couldn't because all the people at the ninja training camp were Asian and if they were all Asian then he couldn't possibly be a ninja. It seemed that all the dreams of being a ninja were ruined due to the jocks rather racially idiotic thought process.

_Unless…_ The Season 4 runner-up thought to himself. _I become a sha-new type of sha-ninja? Sha-Yeah! I could be…_

_The Black Ninja!_

And Lightning went on a spree to create his 'black ninja' costume. He worked through the night and once he was done he smiled at his handiwork.

He actually didn't do much, all he did was take one of Harold's socks and cut holes in it so he could see and breathe out of the sock, along with that he stole one of Jock's sweatshirts, some black pants that he never wore and a pair of Gwen's leggings. This made it the perfect black ninja attire.

"The Sha-Black Ninja Strikes!" Lightning shouted as he was now in his full attire and he was off to do cool ninja stuff.

And out he went into Playa Des Losers to do ninja stuff to people.

But not without doing his cool and incredibly racist musical montage first.

_Black-a Black-a Black-a Black._

Lightning ran down the halls throwing shuriken that came out of nowhere. Luckily they were made out of paper so they didn't brutally injure anyone. He had already thrown ninja stars at Cameron, Geoff, Justin and Scott.

Lightning threw a ninja star at Zoey who cringed and dropped the picnic basket she was carrying.

"Lightning, why'd you do that?" Zoey asked. "I was about to go and have a Mary Sueish picnic date with Mike."

Lightning didn't answer as he ran off.

_***Wind Noise.* Ninja.**_

He quickly threw a ninja star at Leshawna. It hit the girls hand and caused her to drop her cell phone. Sadly for her it was an Iphone and broke into tiny pieces as soon as it hit the ground.

The girl turned and glared at the self proclaimed 'black ninja' "Oh hell no, Lightning. You did not just break my Iphone!"

"What?" The dunderhead asked clearly confused, "That wasn't sha-me, you dropped it yourself stupid girl."

"Come here!" The enraged 'sista' lunged at the boy but he quickly tucked and rolled out of the way before rushing down the halls to go and bother someone else.

_Black Ninja!_

Leshawna chased after Lightning, shaking her fist. "Yeah you better run! Next time I see you I'll kick your ass!"

_Black-a Black-a Black-a Black._

Izzy walked out to the pool area with a confused look on her face.

"Has anyone seen my smoke bombs?" The crazy redhead asked.

"Why do you have smoke bombs?" Sam asked as he was sitting next to the non-mutated Dakota while playing his game guy.

"Why do you have a game guy?" Izzy asked redirecting the question.

"Touché." Sam shrugged, before doing his signature laugh.

"Lightning!"

_***Wind Noise.* Ninja.**_

Lightning, in his black ninja outfit quickly ran by. He was holding a maroon bikini top in his hands.

_Black Ninja!_

Heather ran by desperately trying to cover herself as she ran by trying to get the top to her swim suit back from Lightning.

Lightning quickly threw down a smoke bomb and seemed to vanish in the purple haze when really he just ran off somewhere. This left Heather standing there confused and she momentarily forgot to cover herself. Izzy pouted at the fact that Lightning stole her smoke bombs.

Cody took the liberty of taking a picture of the topless queen bee. Alejondro saw this and took the liberty of beating up the perverted geek and destroying his phone. In the end Cody still won as the phone automatically sent all pictures to his email meaning he could pick it up and have his fun with it whenever he wanted.

But this was quickly defeated as Sierra, who had the password to the account despite him changing it every day, quickly logged onto his email and quickly deleted it from his inbox and then proceeded to delete it from his trash.

Heather ignored them and then ran off to find Lightning.'

"My great aunt twice removed, Matilda invented bathing suits, before that everyone went skinny dipping." Staci said oh-so-matter-of-factly.

"Those sound like awesome times, bra." Geoff said, blissfully thinking of skinny dipping before being elbowed by Bridgette and falling into the hot tub.

_Black-a Black-a Black-a Black._

DJ was walking down the hall talking with Geoff and Duncan, Bunny was in his arms.

"And then the guy threw up in the punch bowl." Geoff laughed.

DJ and Duncan laughed at the party guy's story as Geoff petted the little rabbit.

_***Whoosh!* Ninja.**_

A blur ran by and all of a sudden bunny was gone.

DJ went to pet his bunny but found it was gone. "Bunny?" DJ asked.

Both Geoff and Duncan turned to the boy to see that the bunny was in fact gone.

DJ began crying as he had lost yet another rabbit. "Bunny!"

"Sha-Haha!" Lightning called from the end of the hall where he was holding bunny in his arms.

_Black Ninja!_

"What the hell, Lightning?" Duncan asked.

Geoff nodded. "Yeah, not cool dude!"

The two then chased after Lightning as they left the gentle giant crying. Lightning quickly threw a smoke bomb down on the ground and was gone leaving Geoff and Duncan confused with a crying DJ.

_Black-a Black-a Black-a Black._

Owen was in his room with a huge bucket of fried chicken that he had ordered from some fast food place through Chris. Sure, he ordered it a week ago and only got the order after Courtney wanted to get something for herself when Chris quickly avoided it by saying he had to get Owen's food. Of course knowing the CIT would hold him to that he actually had to get the food for the big oaf despite having no real intention to do so.

But all that didn't matter to Owen as the wait made the fried chicken all the better. Owen hadn't actually had a piece of chicken yet but he knew it would be so much better now that he had waited so long for it.

_***Wind Noise* Ninja.**_

A blur ran by and quickly took the piece of chicken from the doughboy's hand.

Of course Owen hadn't seen this and took a bite into his hand.

"Ow!" Owen cried. "Where's my chicken?"

Owen looked around but couldn't find anything. "I guess I'll just get another one from my bucket." The boy shrugged.

Another blur again unrecognizable by Owen passed by and took the entire bucket.

Owen reached into the now nonexistent bucket and to his surprise grabbed air. Owen sniffed. "My chicken…"

"Sha-haha!" Lightning laughed from the door.

"Lightning!" Owen shouted and then saw the chicken bucket in his hand. "Oh thank goodness, you found my chicken bucket!"

Lightning shook his head. "This isn't sha-your chicken bucket. It's my sha-chicken bucket."

Owen pouted. "But I paid for it and waited a week to get it."

"Well to sha-bad! Now you're gonna watch me eat your fried sha-chicken!" Lightning laughed.

Lightning then took a bite into the fried chicken and started chewing. Owen could only watch the fiend as he was too lazy to get back up and walk all the way to his door.

Lightning's face soon changed from one of pleasure to one of disgust as he chewed the fried chicken.

"Yuck!" The boy shouted and spit out the bite he had been chewing. "You definitely are not as good as my sha-protein bars!"

Lightning then threw the entire box of chicken on the floor.

"NO!" Owen cried as the chicken fell to the floor. He quickly ran over and licked up the chicken that was on the floor including the piece that Lightning had spit out.

Lightning didn't even bother wasting a smoke ball on this one. He just rolled his eyes and walked off as Owen continued trying to lick up the chicken.

_Black Ninja!_

Noah, Eva, Courtney, Duncan, Izzy, Silent B, Heather, Brick, Jo, Dawn, Scott and Alejandro were meeting in Alejandro's room, the eight of them were fed up with 'black ninja running around.

" Now I called the eight of you here to discuss an important matter." Alejandro started.

"We know." Noah rolled his eyes. "You wanna do something about the whole 'black ninja' thing."

"Precisely." Alejandro nodded. "Now does anyone have any ideas as to get rid of him?"

B raised his hand but was immediately interrupted by Jo.

"I say we just pound him." Eva growled as she thrust her right fist into her left palm.

"Sounds good to me," Duncan nodded in approval.

"That's great. But how do you suppose we _catch _him?" Scott asked.

B once again raised his hand but was of course interrupted.

Izzy raised her hand eagerly jumping up and down. "Ooooh! Ooooh! Ooooh! Pick me!"

Alejandro sighed and called on the psychotic redhead. "Yes Izzy?"

"What is Izzy chases after him?" Izzy asked.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Courtney asked.

Dawn sighed. "Izzy thinks this is a game right now, she thought she had to answer in the form of a question."

"That's a good idea." Jo nodded. "I'm sure if Izzy catches him then me, Alehandjob, Brick House, Three Days Grace Reject, The Ragaholic, Little Ms. BITCH, Shark Bait and the Queen Bitch can knock some sense into Jockstrap."

"What about me?" Noah asked.

Jo scoffed. "What about you? You couldn't hurt a fly string bean!"

Noah was about to answer before Dawn put a hand on the bookworms shoulder and shook her head. "Harming Lightning will not solve our problems."

"I agree." Brick nodded. "Surely there's another way we can stop Lightning."

"I think beating up Lightning would be the best idea." Scott scoffed. "Not the whole 'violence is not the answer' shit."

"It's not right," Dawn insisted. "His aura is very confused right now and bringing him harm will only cause more trouble. Besides, B has an idea that I'm sure will end with a positive outcome."

"Yeah…" Heather rolled her eyes. "As if we're going to believe this 'aura' shit. In case you haven't noticed no one of any intelligence believes in your so called powers. You're probably just guessing what Beverly has to say and because he doesn't talk he just goes with it."

"Now, now," Alejandro calmed his girlfriend. "Let's try to be civil and hear Dawn or um… B out."

"What?" Courtney gasped, clearly appalled by the fact that Alejandro didn't want to chose the obvious answer of just beating up the idiot. "You couldn't possibly think that they have anything reasonable to say."

"As a matter of fact B does." The moonchild chided in.

"Fine…" Courtney sighed. "What do you got?"

Dawn explained B's plan and the others looked wide eyed in shock.

"You cannot be serious." Courtney looked dumbfounded at the moonchild's plot.

"Didn't know the big guy had it in him." Eva commented.

"Why… it's brilliant." Alejandro gasped.

Heather scoffed. "I could've thought of that."

Jo was at a loss for words. "It's just so crazy…"

"That it may just work." Scott finished the sentence.

"I'm glad I finally rubbed off on someone." Izzy smirked.

"And I was just gonna suggest we hold him down while I set off a firecracker in his pants." Duncan smiled. "But this, this is much better."

"Well done, soldier." Brick patted the silent genius on the back.

"And you're sure we'll be able to get him to do this?" Noah asked the girl.

Dawn nodded her head, "Positive. He would never pass up this opportunity."

"But what about Lightning?" Heather asked.

Alejandro shook his head. "Has Lightning ever turned down something like that?"

"Good point." The queen bee shrugged.

**2 Hours Later, Playa Des Losers Pool Area**

The twelve people who had their meeting all stood in a line.

"Black Ninja!" Izzy shouted.

They waited for Lightning to appear but he did not.

"Come out, Come out wherever you are!" Courtney shouted.

Once again they waited for Lightning to appear but nothing.

"We have something Muy Bien to show you." Alejandro continued.

Still waiting and of course nothing.

"Yeah, so come out!" Scott rolled his eyes.

The self proclaimed 'Black Ninja' still did not make an appearance.

"Come out so we can have some _fun._" Duncan smirked, putting emphasis on that last word.

"Hurry up already!" Heather shouted.

Still nothing.

"Seriously?" Noah asked. "What does it take to call this guy."

"Dawn, you must know something that'll get his attention." Courtney insisted.

Dawn shrugged and whispered into Noah's ear. She'd say it herself but she wasn't really one to yell.

"You're kidding right?" The bookworm deadpanned.

"No." Dawn insisted.

Noah sighed before shouting. "We have protein bars!"

And just like that a puff of purple smoke appeared out of nowhere and out stepped Lightning. "Sha-Black Ninja!" The young man shouted as he struck a pose.

"Where are the sha-protein bars?" The teen asked.

"We have something better!" Alejandro insisted.

Lightning scoffed. "What could be better than sha-protein bars?"

The ten contestants, excluding Dawn and B, looked at each other with unease before Dawn and B gave them each a reassuring nod. The twelve of them then shifted their positions to leave an opening in the middle of their line.

"Sha-What?" Lightning asked as he looked straight at the figure that was standing in between all of them.

He stepped out and glared lightning down.

"I am the White Samurai!" Harold shouted. Harold was decked out in the same outfit he wore during the movie challenge of World Tour. The same red robe and samurai hat along with the toy light saber he had tucked in between the folds of the robe.

"And I challenge you Black Ninja to a duel!" Harold announced, those watching in the pool gasped.

"A sha-duel?" Lightning asked.

"Yes, the loser is the one who forfeits." Harold explained. "The loser has to drop their title as 'Black Ninja' or 'White Samurai' and must give up the way of the samurai and or ninja forever."

Once again everyone gasped.

Lightning thought for a few seconds before he smirked. "You're on! The Sha-Black Ninja never turns down a sha-challenge."

"We will begin the competition in the gym right now!" Harold announced and like that he ran off into Playa Des Losers.

"Sha-Wait for me!" Lightning shouted, chasing after the uber-geek.

Lightning was then followed by the eight conspirators and then the rest of the cast followed as they didn't want to miss this.

As they were running to the gym Staci spoke up. "My Great great great great great grandpa Teriaki Saumrai San invented Duels. Before that people would sing karaoke for their honor, yah!"

When everyone arrived in the gym everyone looked to see Lightning with several paper shuriken in his hands and Harold with his toy light saber drawn. Chef sat on a life guard chair in a referee outfit, complete with a whistle hanging around his neck.

"The battle between Black Ninja and the White Samurai begins now." Chef announced. "Each fighter must only use their weapon of choice with whatever extra things they have on them. They will receive no outside help from the audience."

Harold and Lightning listened to this and stood in battle ready stances.

Cody who was watching in the audience took out his phone and started recording.

"What are you doing?" Tyler asked as he saw the gap-toothed geek recording this.

"Youtube, dude." Cody answered. "You know how many views this'll get? People love Total Drama and this might even end up on =3, Tosh.O or even The Soup."

"Good point." Tyler shrugged before taking out his own phone to record the event as well.

"Wow Cody, you're so smart!" Sierra grinned as she also had a video camera in hand. "I'm livestreaming this to my Total Drama blog, because the fans would love to see this. You know what they say, great minds think alike. It was like we were made for each other."

"Sure Sierra..." Cody answered as he lightly scooted away from the crazed fan, Cameron who was sitting in the row behind them also scooted away from Sierra as well.

"Where's Chris?" Beth asked Chef.

Chef shrugged. "He didn't bother to come, said if he wasn't hosting then it wasn't worth his time."

"Wha' abou' you?"Anne Maria asked.

Chef smirked. "Watching you kids beat the snot out of eachother makes my life seem meaningful."

"That's kinda sad." Bridgette sighed.

Chef simply laughed at her.

Geoff gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry about it Bridge, some people just have different interests than others."

"Really?" Bridgette asked.

"Yeah." Geoff smiled, "Like how I love to party and you love to surf, Chef likes to see us beat each other up!"

"Can we start already?" Harold asked.

Lightning nodded. "Yeah I'm ready to lay the sha-smack down on Sha-White Samurai!"

"Fine!" Chef growled. "Go!"

And like that Harold and Lightning ran at each other. Lightning quickly started the fight by lunging at Harold, however the ginger nerd was easily able to escape this due to his cat like reflexes. Harold quickly tried to slash at Lightning with his toy light saber but the self proclaimed ninja was easily able to dodge it.

"Come on guys! Go for the power up!" Sam shouted.

Courtney looked at the boy with a raised eye brow. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sometimes he says things like that." Dakota confirmed. "It's best to leave it alone."

"Whatever." Courtney scoffed before turning back to watch the duel continue.

Lightning was throwing paper shuriken at Harold but the uber geek was easily able to block all the shots with his toy light saber.

"That's it Harold!" Zoey shouted.

Mike nodded in agreement. "You got this, dude!"

"You can do it!" Ezekiel cheered. "You're in it to win it!"

Harold now ran towards Lightning at full throttle with his toy sword drawn. He was then successfully able to stab Lightning in the chest.

This however did nothing to bother Lightning. "Sha-Lame!" Lightning laughed as he took the light saber that Harold was still shoving into his chest and broke it in half.

Harold fell to the ground with a thud. Breaking that light saber was like breaking his dignity.

"No!" Harold shouted.

"Come on Harold you can still do it!" Leshawna shouted.

Cameron encouraged the boy as well. "You must find another way to beat him; if I could in the season four finale then surely you'll find a way!"

"Go Harold!" Owen shouted.

"Just do it already!" Heather commanded. "Come on!"

"Harold! Harold! Harold! Harold!" Sadie and Katie cheered on the ginger nerd.

Soon everyone else joined in on the wonder twins' rhythmic chant. Now everyone was shouting "Harold! Harold! Harold! Harold!"

"Any last sha-words White Ninja?" Lightning asked as he towered over the now cowering Harold.

Jo smirked at Dawn. "Looks like your little plan didn't work, Pixie Dust."

"No, no." Dawn answered as she shook her head, despite it not being her plan in the first place. "Harold will know what to do."

Harold then smirked. "Just two."

"And sha-what are those?" Lightning asked confused.

"Numb-yos!" Harold shouted and brought out two twin yo-yos that he spun around rapidly towards Lightning.

Lightning tried to dodge them but they were going too fast. Soon Lightning was hit by the numb-yo's right on the head.

"Sha-ow!" Lightning shouted. "That sha-hurt!"

"Do you give up?" Harold asked.

"Sha-no!" Lightning responded.

Harold then hit lightning on the head again.

"Sha-Ow!"

Harold then proceeded to hit Lightning on the head multiple times with the yo-yo until Lightning started crying.

"Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Lightning cried.

"Give up?" Harold asked as he continued hitting the boy in the head with his numb-yos.

"Sha-Fine. I give up." Lightning cried.

Harold stopped hitting Lightning in the head and held up his numb-yos triumphantly. "Booyah!"

"The battle between the has-been formerly known as Black Ninja and the surprising champion White Samurai has ended. The winner is the White Samurai." Chef announced.

Everyone ran off the bleachers and lifted up Harold, cheering him on with the same rhythmic chant as before.

"Harold, Harold, Harold!" Everyone cheered carrying off the uber nerd as he was able to successfully able to defeat Lightning.

"Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shut up!" Chef shouted as he walked out of the gym and turned off the lights, leaving Lightning to "sha-cry" by himself.

**Yep that was Lightning: The Black Ninja. I actually had fun with this thing and actually enjoyed writing it. Maybe I'll write another Total Drama Oneshot soon, I don't know. But yeah, hope you enjoyed it.**

**Special thanks to my friend Mugs, who betaread this and gave me suggestions to improve it.**


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